Struggle in the Fog
Days Flying By
I am active with a few things and doing other things, yet by the time I think to write it down, it's like I've been in a time machine that is just flying me weeks away from my last blog post.
It feels like déjà vu and a constant loop. I tell myself I want to drop politics, but my brain latches onto it like my life depends on it. Sadly, it wrecks my emotions and spirit. Just as I start putting together an exit plan, something pulls me right back in just like it did recently with a new friend having me stepping up as a mod and admin for a state Democrat Facebook group. It scratches that persistent itch: the belief that as Democrats, we need to actually talk to each other instead of just spamming reposts. I enjoy the challenge and the struggle, and I even joined a project that I'm still hoping pans out. But it keeps me caught in the spin.
Back at the Start of the Loop
That feeling of a recurring loop doesn't just stop at politics; it spills over into my daily life and health. Yet again, I'm pushing myself to lose weight, and yet again, I'm trying to get active.
My wallet reminds me that I cannot afford GLP-1s, so the only option is doing the hard work, which, let's be honest, has to be done even with GLP-1s anyway. This time around, I'm trying to watch calories. If I get lazy, I snap a photo of my meal and let AI calculate a rough estimate. I know using AI that way sounds ridiculous, but right now I need whatever safety net catches me. The goal is simply to monitor intake and keep the numbers down as best as I can.
On the exercise side, despite having a treadmill (electrical issues, and the incline doesn't work), a stationary exercise bike, and an outdoor bicycle, I still struggle to stick with a routine. I fixed up my old, nearly 20-year-old bike and was riding it, but depending on the wind and weather, after 4 to 10 miles I'm completely wiped out. That dragged me down and bruised my motivation. I saw the scale drop, but it must have just been water loss, because a few weeks later it jumped right back on.
Still, I know I have to take my health seriously. I have high blood pressure to manage, and if our plans to move in a few years work out, my next job will most likely be factory work. I need to be in real physical shape for that. Getting healthy would also leave the door open to fall back on CDL driving.
So I went searching for something structured. I found Couch to 5K and started reading up on running. Giving it a shot with my son joining in has been a massive help—having him alongside me makes a huge difference. We're only a few weeks in, so it's not quite a cemented habit yet, but it's progress. At work, I've started doing exercises on shift and hitting step goals. At home, I've been getting on the exercise bike, setting goal distances with the dream of eventually commuting by bike again.
My calves and ankles are definitely feeling the strain from Couch to 5K, and given my current weight, that's expected. It takes time for muscles, tendons, lungs, and joints to adjust. So right now, I'm learning to pace myself, taking rest days, and not pushing too hard on the bike while my legs recover from running.
The Dark Cloud: Debt, Moving, and the Way Forward
All of this health work ties directly into the bigger picture: we have a goal to move in a few years, but hanging over us is a dark cloud of debt and unresolved tasks. Between rising costs and the monthly scramble to make sure funds don't run out before the month does, it can easily feel overwhelming if we let it.
I refuse to let that cloud drag us under.
To tackle both the finances and fitness together, I've been seriously looking at selling our second vehicle. It needs repairs we can't afford anyway. Letting it go would eliminate car insurance costs and give us a chunk of cash to knock down debt, instantly freeing up monthly cash flow.
Ditching the car also forces my hand on fitness. Commuting by bike will guarantee daily cardio and help with the weight loss. In the short term, I'll probably rely on an e-bike as a stepping stone. But the long-term goal is to get my regular manual bike (or a reliable replacement) road-ready as my primary commuter. It cuts fuel costs, lowers our bills, and keeps me moving.
There is a lot of fog right now, but I'm not going to let it ruin things. One day, one run, and one pedal stroke at a time.